I’ve made it a point to always be transparent here with you, and I don’t ever want that transparency to falter. I think it’s integral that the relationship I build with you is one of trust and authenticity. With that being said, my honesty about the challenges I’ve endured in my past is in an attempt to help you through similar experiences. You are never as alone as you might believe, and I hope my stories are evidence of that for you.

Many of the years in my young adult life were spent on amazing adventures that exceeded anything I ever could’ve imagined, but it’s no secret that along the way I faced numerous trials and tribulations that tested my spirit at every turn. A lot of my greatest memories and milestones were achieved by having courage and faith through these low periods in my life, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that having courage and faith will never fail you.

Over those trying years, I frequently questioned my self-worth, which I believe is a feeling that a plethora of people encounter on their life journey. I had many instances where I felt completely alone despite being surrounded by people and support systems. I want to preface this though, by saying that I wouldn’t have made it through these troubling times without that support. I leaned heavily on certain people every time I was attempting to overcome another hurdle that was placed in my path. Each new challenge I encountered was just as daunting, if not more so, than the last. But one integral lesson I learned through all of them was that the greatest power I had was inside of me – it was my own mindset.

I think most people’s first instinct when they face a problem is to turn to those around them for help, without even considering that their own thoughts and mindset can act as their first line of defense against a problem. You see, your mindset shapes your reality, so you will only benefit by having an outlook of positivity and infinite love for yourself, which brings me to a very critical component of life…

the practice of self-love

Self-love is frequently talked about in our current social climate. Practices such as positive affirmations and self-care are frequently prescribed as solutions to combat the feelings of comparison we experience while using social media and going through life, so they probably sound familiar to you. Keeping faith in your journey is truly important in every situation, because a lot of the time, the light at the end of the tunnel won’t be visible – but don’t be fooled, it is always there. Being bountiful in your self-love is one of the most important tools in your toolbox for getting through the rockiness on the road of our lives. 

With that in mind, here are top three of my personal go-to practices (again, based solely on my own experiences) for developing and maintaining self-love:

1. stop the comparison

It’s true when people say that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’. Your journey is your own and no one else’s, so it makes complete sense that you’re not in the same spot as your peers or your role models. Take a step back and look at the big picture of your story. I want you to remember exactly where you started and let yourself marvel at how far you’ve come. You’ve survived through every single bad day and difficult situation that you’ve ever encountered. How comforting and remarkable is that? Every entity of opposition in your life has failed in its attempt to stop you. You are so much stronger than you think you are, I promise you that. Don’t let someone else’s progress or success invalidate your own.

2. put down the phone and pick up new hobbies

For a more concrete action you can take to improve your self-esteem, turning off your phone or computer is a good place to start. It’s easy to get sucked into the online world because lots of our jobs call for our participation in it. So a significant step in the right direction is finding a chunk of time out of your day to intentionally step away from the internet and/or social media, and instead complete an activity that’s rooted in the real world. This can be a hobby, a housework task, or even just taking a moment to be thoughtful and present. Anything to ground you is effective at helping you sift through all the noise in your day and separate the things that don’t matter from the things that do.

3. truly do what makes you happy

What brings you true feelings of adoration for yourself? In my experience, it’s pursuing endeavors that I’m passionate about and doing the things that genuinely make me happy.

It’s easy to get caught up in what others think of us or how we’re perceived by others, especially in our social media focused culture, but this mindset can quickly become negative. It’s important to not center our thoughts around the thoughts of others, but rather our own thoughts, emotions, and desires. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. I think we often forget that the life we live is OUR life. No one else’s. And thus, we need to pursue the things in life that bring us the most joy and fulfillment. It makes no sense to pursue the desires of others because they are not OUR desires. I believe it is critical that we delve deeply into our hearts’ desires and then give ourselves permission to design a life that feels right to us, rather than remaining trapped in a life that others expect us to live.

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I want to reiterate that having a solid support system besides yourself is important. But if you don’t know how to rely on yourself to uplift your own spirits, then you run the risk of feeling isolated and alone if you find yourself in a situation without that external support system.

Learning to become your own best cheerleader can provide you with a sense of independence and empowerment, because no matter what, you’ll be alright if you’re on your own. But never forget…

you’re never truly alone

In every walk of life, God is the beginning and end of everything, and will always be the architect of our life. Think of yourself as the center of God’s masterpiece. He provides us with all of the tools we need to fully explore our perfectly crafted lives. We just need to know how to use them and trust His vision. This is why I instill the importance of trust and faith. There is always a plan, even if the path isn’t clear. You would never question an artist about his artwork because you can see the whole picture and how thoughtfully it all comes together. Each star in Vincent van Gogh’s The Starry Night is so beautifully placed that you’d never doubt his vision and artistry. So why do we do this with our own story? We need to remind ourselves that our journey is just as intentionally crafted as any other famous work of art.

Simply put, if we do not love ourselves, we are not accepting the fullness of God’s gift.

This, I believe, is a good place to start when it comes to mastering self-love. Know that you have it in you because God created you exactly as you are. We are, in fact, made in the image of God. So, shame has no hold on us in the midst of all our flaws or mistakes from the past, or even in the present. We are all born with the potential for greatness; all we need to do is discover it within ourselves.

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Thanks for reading!

Sending you lots of love,

nom 🙂